Growing up I remember hearing people say things like “there is no stronger bond than family” and “family are the ones you can rely on through thick and thin” and “blood is thicker than any adhesive holding two people together”. As I sit here watching my mother napping quietly I can feel my heart beat harder as though it has recognized the strength it will need to say goodbye to this beautiful woman and it’s started working out.

When it comes to my parents, my brother and I, I’d have to say that our bond is as those people say. We love each other and always have each others’ back.

HOWEVER, it isn’t our bloodline that keeps us so loyal…or so I’ve learned.

Sadly, through this experience with mom I have learned even blood does not erase a persons character.

I realize I have been blessed with a supportive and loving family. It’s because of this that I always assumed that family stuck together in good and bad times. I was wrong.

My mother had a few sad days that broke my heart and it was all because her TWIN SISTER has not come to see her.

I don’t blame her for feeling sad and hurt and heartbroken. My mother is DYING and her TWIN, who mom has helped through every little crisis in her life, can’t even take a moment out of her selfish schedule to come say hi! Even when she calls she never asks my mom how she is feeling she just goes on and on about herself and what she is doing.

So here is my thought…if blood is suppose to be thicker than glue than sharing the exact DNA should be like concrete!

It saddens me that there are people out there who are so involved in themselves that they can’t even take a moment to get out of their little comfort zone and pay respect to someone who has loved them unconditionally all through their lives.

I know I am ranting a little bit but this really bothers me.

What’s the deal?

If blood doesn’t bond us all together then what will?

Farrah

When I watch the Harry Potter movies I always enjoy the scenes that have “Fox”, Dumbledore’s phoenix bird, in them (for obvious reasons).

Some times you see this gorgeous creature sailing through the sky and others she’s coming to someone’s rescue with a sword, a strong grip or healing tears.

My favourite scene with Fox is the one where she bursts in to flames.

It’s such a great scene because you can see how broken down this beautiful being gets by life, how she gives in to death letting the flames consume all that she is and finally, how she comes out of the ash more radiant and powerful.

Dumbledore calls it her “burning day”.

Back when I first started this blog (just over a year ago), I had already experienced my first Burning Day. My divorce had taken me to a great low point in my life where I was beaten and unrecognizable. Slowly I grew out from my ash and emerged a better woman. I looked at the world differently, I felt differently and I approached life in a whole new way. It was a phenomenon that I never thought I could experience and live to talk about…but I did.

Another Burning Day is coming for me, I can feel it right down to my core.

The stresses of life have come to a head with the impending departure of my precious mother from this world. Her battle with cancer will be over in a few short days. We will dress her in a beautiful Victorian nightgown, kiss her softly on the head and give her body over to the flames of death. In that moment I know that I will be with her. As her body is reduced to ash so will my heart.

Our Burning Day will be the end of the life we both knew.

Mom will move on to her eternal bliss where she will dance and sing as the beautiful vibrant woman I remember. Me on the other hand, I don’t know what will happen. I don’t know how long it will take for me to emerge from the ash, how long it will take for my new life to begin, how long it will be before my heart is whole again.

The pain is inevitable but I do hope that the other side of the flames will hold a life even better than my second, where my mothers memory and her guiding love will bring me to the realization of the dreams we have both had and that my new life will raise me above the sorrow, above the pain and send me soaring in to a beautiful future.

It’s time for this life to burn.

Image via Wikipedia

I don’t know how parents do it. I’m not a mom so I really wouldn’t know. So, please, if you do know, tell me…how do parents know what kind of activities their children should take?

Random question perhaps but after a weekend full of culture and talent I’ve been left wondering “Why didn’t my parents force me to dance?”

I’ll admit, this question is massively based on a desire to have the stellar body like those I saw on the female cast of “Rock of Ages” (super awesome, kick-ass stage show!). What amazing athletes!! Not to mention their performances were phenomenal! They were equally as sensational as hot bartenders as they were exotic dancers on the Sunset Strip!

The entire time I was watching the show I just kept saying to myself, “I wish my parents had put me in to dance!” These women could not have simply decided over night to become a Broadway sensation! Their talents would have taken years and years to cultivate! It could have been me!

I day dreamed for the remainder of the weekend about what it would be like to prance around in garter straps, high heels and a washboard stomach. Ahhh the dream! I would have been awesome!!!

Well, perhaps that is not true.

When I was younger I did take dance…I know, I know…the shock is still a little raw for me too!

For about two weeks I was in Jazz. I pranced around the room to MC Hammers “Can’t Touch This” and shook my booty until I sweat. To this  day I have no idea why I ever left Jazz but sure enough, two weeks later I was hanging up the dance shoes and moving on.

I really am glad I had the parents I did because they would have to be rather understanding to allow a child to be so uncommitted. Not only did I not get in trouble for leaving Jazz but I was encouraged to join the National Baton Twirling corp in my city (Yup…I was a baton twirler…go ahead…laugh away…we kicked ass!), most other parents would have kept me home for fear of wasting their time.

Alas, baton did not last either. Within a year of joining we moved and I took up the path my brother had paved, placed my “tomboy” hat firmly on my head and joined things like wrestling and army cadets (wow…this is really revealing how much of a geek child I was…oh well).

Although I enjoyed the time I had as a child and teenager I can’t help but wonder what would have become of me if I had continued to dance. If I hadn’t dropped out of dance class maybe I would find myself on stage shaking my thonged tushy in front of admiring audience members while rocking out to Bon Jovi and Stix or maybe I’d be on television dancing for my life on “So You Think You Can Dance”! Who knows, maybe I would have sprained an ankle and ended up writing like I’m doing now (destiny has a funny way of sorting that crap out).

Still, I wonder…could it have been me?

This morning I woke up not feeling very amazing.

I’m worn out mentally, I’m exhausted emotionally and I’m dead tired physically.

When I popped on my computer this morning I had no idea what I would be writing for today’s blog, but after a week of not writing I knew I had to.

I started by signing in to Facebook and then HootSuite. Normally, my HootSuite signs me in automatically but today it went in to the login page, my information was in the spaces provided but it just wasn’t signing me in. Before I clicked on the login button I noticed a familiar icon. It was the icon for TED, an amazing site of speeches given by some pretty incredible people.

In the past I have seen some phenomenal talks on this site, including one by Elizabeth Gilbert (author of Eat, Pray, Love) which pulled me from a previous rut. Knowing how unmotivated and tired I’ve been lately drew me back to the TED site where I began reading through a bunch of names of people I didn’t know. Then I stumbled upon a familiar name…Steve Jobs…creator of MAC and Pixar.

I was curious to hear him speak because, up until this point, I had never seen him in an interview or really paid him much attention (I’m a PCer). So, I clicked on the icon and began listening to his speech to the 2005 graduating class from Stanford University.

Someone must have directed me to this video this morning because everything Steve Jobs said was everything I have been thinking and feeling lately.

His stories were funny, heart breaking and inspiring but a few things really stuck with me.

“You can’t connect the dots to the future.”

Humans, and myself in particular, are always trying to plan the “dots” that will get us where we want to be in life. Unfortunately, we do not have the ability to see in to the future so the only way we can connect the dots is if we look backwards. The way we move forwards in life is following our hearts, our gut and our intuition…this is something I have been fighting for a long while now.

“Fall in-love”

Romantic love is amazing. I am fortunate to have this in my life. However, Steve Jobs wasn’t referring to romantic love (although he was thrilled about his wife and family), he was talking about falling in-love with what you do.

I have said for years that I didn’t understand why people worked at a job that they hated. This has lead me to a constant rotating door of “careers” that I tried, hoping to find the right fit for me. What I found was that I am not in-love with my day job…I never have been and I’m not sure I ever will be. Thankfully I did fall in-love…with writing.

“Your time is limited…so don’t waste it by living someone else’s life!”

The most powerful line in this awesome speech was this one. It sums up how I feel for myself and for everyone I know and love. It’s the hardest one to live because, for people like me, it may lead to a bit of insecurity that is extremely uncomfortable…at first. Still, this one phrase speaks truth. We are all going to die, we don’t know when or how, so we need to be living our own lives, not the life that someone else decided for us. We all have our own desires and passions and there is no reason we shouldn’t go after them. Some of us may be afraid of hurting people along the way but the truth is, people who know your heart and truly love and respect you will understand that you need to reach for your passions, stop living to make someone else’s dreams come true and find a life that is completely yours. These will be your true friends and those who are hurt or angered by your decision to better your life aren’t.

I’m still worn out mentally, exhausted emotionally and tired physically but I feel a little more clear on my path moving forward. I can’t connect the dots because it is impossible to do that unless I look back but I can follow that intuitive voice that seems to scream at me “LIVE BEFORE YOU DIE!”.

Here is Steve Jobs’ Speech…let me know what you think.

Ouch….oooo….ouchie. I don’t know what hurts more, my pulled groin or the fact that I have to ice it!

It’s been a bit of a painful week. Monday was my third karate class ever and during that class I did something to my groin. I’m not sure whether it was the insane bottom to the ground wall squats, the overly suggestive partner abdominal work (legs have been wrapped around a woman more in the last few weeks than ever before…fantasy come true or just awkward? hmmm lol) or the “picturing my ex-husband and his tramp” round house kicking.

Whatever the culprit was, my lack of fitness over the last few years landed me with a burning, stinging pain in my groin. Can anyone say “ouchy”?

Some great advice from Twitter friends and the knowledge from my past life as a Sports Injury Therapist had me sitting with a bag of frozen berries between my legs after Monday’s session. Tuesday I could feel it but I knew it was getting better.

Then Wednesday came!

I woke up in the morning thinking my groin was all better. I figured I had just tweaked it a bit but that no real harm had been done. So it was off to Karate, session #4, as scheduled!

How stupid can I be really? (apparently really stupid!)

Feeling jacked and ready to show the boys what this woman was made of, I slipped in to my straight jacket….I mean “gi”….and pranced out to the dojo floor.

Then it began!

We started off with a run and sprints as usual. All was fine. Then we were asked to line up to do lunges across the room. All was NOT fine!

When I went down for my first lunge (get your minds out of the gutter!!) I heard a tearing like Velcro emitting from near my lady bits. That’s when the pain flooded my entire leg. Throbbing, shooting pain traveled from my groin to my foot. OUCHIE!!!!

So, like any sane person I excused myself from the workout and sat to nurse my injury.

YA RIGHT?!! Have we met? I did what most stubborn, nearing middle age, got something to prove, out of their freaking mind woman would do…I kept going!

Lucky for me it was a night filled with kicking drills so by the end of the evening I was kicking myself for being such a stubborn dummy. I couldn’t lift my leg up in front of me by the time I left the dojo but I smiled my way through it…okay grimaced but whatever.

Now, here I am, groin ablaze (not in the way I’d like it to be)with ice threatening frostbite, whining like a big baby.

I suppose I should look on the bright side…I have a sports injury!!! YAY!! That means I was active!! YAY!!!

Nope not helping…back to my whining. Booo hooo hooo *sniff sniff*

Hugs,

Farrah

There is so much I love about humans. I love the way we try to look cool when we fall up the stairs and how we think no one will notice us picking our nose in the middle of traffic! I love how we all test how far we can bend the law before getting caught by j-walking, speeding (but never over 15km/hr) or parking in the “women with children” spot near the front of the mall.

All of these little things make me giggle and fills my day with those “little things” that make life more enjoyable.

This morning at Starbucks I saw one of my most favourite things about humans displayed in an elegant dance of laziness and stupidity!

The Starbucks I am at this morning is in a huge parking lot with a number of different stores surrounding it. There is an abundance of parking!

Despite this convenient accessibility to delicious, caffeine infused cups of heaven, there are those patrons who find it necessary to pull up in front of the coffee house, in a clearly marked “NO PARKING” zone, and run in for their fix.

Occasionally, like this morning, there are those who go beyond the momentary “just popping in an out” risk and they actually park their car in the no parking zone, walk in to Starbucks and take up their position at their “office” for an extended stay.

What makes this situation one of my top enjoyable moments is when the traffic cops come around!

This is when the dance begins! There is the mad dash from the coffee house to defend the laziness of parking 5 feet from the legal parking spots, the inevitable indisputable ticket exchange and then the coup de grace of stupidity where the lazy parker comes back to his perch to complain to anyone who will listen about the injustice dispensed!

How about this?

STOP BEING SO F’N LAZY!!!!!

That $80 ticket in your hand could have been avoided if you could find the energy to walk 10 extra steps from a dedicated parking space (of which there were plenty) to the coffee you love so much!

However, it was your combined laziness and stupidity that has now cost you this unjustified aggravation!

Oh yes! Please, make this more hilarious by telling everyone how you will waste a day in the court system fighting that ticket. What will be your defense? “Sorry your honour, I unzipped the back of my head and let my brain fall out!”…sorry won’t cut it in the court system although that is the only explanation for your complete idiocy.

Mind you, I would like to thank that lazy, stupid man who provided the inspiration for this blog. Sir, you have provided me with something to giggle about for the rest of the day. When I look in the mirror today I will be able to feel good about myself because even if I don’t love everything about how I look, I can at least know that I’m not as stupid as you . Thank you!

Love,

Farrah

I’m not one for astrology. I don’t believe that the planets and stars aligned a certain way on the day of my birth to make me the way I am (I’m crazy all by myself!). I also do not believe that when an Eclipse or New Moon (uber Twilight) come about that I will be influenced by them in a specific way simply because I was born on a certain day.

Now, to be fair, I do recognize that I hold some of the traditional traits of my Libra/ Scorpio self (that’s right…I’m extra special…I get two signs): determination, will power, intuitive, passionate, magnetic (so I’ve been told), good in an argument, requires balance, fairness and justice….etc. However, I’m sure there are many traits from the other signs that I can declare as my own as well.

I also recognize the influence of a full or new moon on the earth. I won’t pretend to understand how it happens but there is no denying that the moon influences the tide or that a full moon fills hospitals with birth, death and chaos (my mama was a nurse and could testify to that). I don’t understand it but I can’t deny it.

That all being said, there are times when I read my horoscope for fun. Usually I end up smiling and giggling at the silliness of it.

The other day my sweets and I were hanging out and started reading our horoscopes from a site his brother sent to us. We read his first and I was shocked at how accurate it was. Then we read mine.

Do you ever read something or run in to a stranger that says the exact thing you needed to hear at the exact moment you needed to hear it? I have always believed that this was God’s way of sending me a message about my life that I’ve been to deaf to hear (so to speak…I don’t hear voices I swear…or do I?….What did you say?). Like an angel has been sent specifically for me to guide me along and help me to regain a sense of hope.

That is what it was like reading these horoscopes!

As my darling read I was flabbergasted!

“You’ve come through a high work, high-pressure period earlier this year, but July just seems made for travel and time to unwind.” (uh ya!)

“You’ve become used to having Saturn in your friendship / fun / events house, which is a little like having a cranky old person putting the kibosh on any plans you had to kick back and enjoy yourself. This has been going on for so long, you probably began to assume that grown-up life is unrelentingly serious and that you’d be unrealistic ever to imagine that life will go back to more carefree days.” (Nailed that one!)

“Your career life has been quite intense, especially last month.” (nothing like pointing out the obvious)

These and a number of other statements were extremely reflective of how I’ve been feeling but no other statements shook me as much as these ones:

“If you have had to delay gratification on a dearly held goal for any number of reasons, you can go back to that dream now – soon you will finally feel back on track to grasping it.”

“Media companies in broadcasting and publishing could become centers of gain, too, whether you work as a producer, talent executive, or writer (as a few examples), or you could be invited to be the subject of an interview.”

Ummm…uh….ummmm…..*drool*

How in the heck did some astrology website know that I was a writer? That seems a little too specific to ignore, right? Delayed gratification? Have I not been putting my dreams aside for work lately (If you don’t know the answer to that…it’s yes)?

As these words were read to me I began to believe. Not that the planets somehow aligned and printed out a horoscope on a random website that somehow got to me exactly when I needed it, but that this message was intended for me, to bring me back in to focus and to give me back the hope that I lost about my dreams and goals.

It’s hard to ignore situations like this or to pass them off as pure coincidence. Maybe the planet thing is true, maybe it’s my age old belief in God and Angels, whatever it is, I am so glad that I received the message because now I have hope again.

Love,

Farrah

p.s. Have you ever had a situation like this? Share it in the comments section.

p.s.s. Without looking at my Facebook page, can you figure out from the information given what my birthday is? Take a guess and share it in the comments

For the last few days I’ve been working at home with an array of Audrey Hepburn movies playing in the background.

First I watched My Fair Lady, a classic musical about a common flower girl who is taught how to be a lady. I love this movie for it’s “in your face” humour and the fact that I can sing along at the top of my lungs (scary I know)!

Then I watched Breakfast At Tiffany’s and laughed at the silliness of the character Holly Golightly (originally intended for Marilyn Monroe). In a way I always wanted to be Holly for her ability to live life to the fullest. Somehow, even though she lives in New York and doesn’t work at all throughout the movie, she is able to acquire enough money to pay her rent and throw some fabulous parties. What a life that would be!

After that I put in Paris When it Sizzles which has Audrey Hepburn playing Gabriella Simpson a typist working with William Holden to finish his ever evolving and sometimes ridiculous screenplay. This is a funny one that takes every situation to the extreme.

This morning I finished watching the movie Sabrina. It is a sweet movie about Sabrina Fairchild, a chauffeurs daughter who falls in love with the son (William Holden) of the wealthy Larrabee family. Humphrey Bogart also stars as the eldest son trying to ship Sabrina off to France but ends up falling in love with her instead.

Watching all of these movies I can’t help but be impressed by the caliber of woman that Audrey Hepburn is.

True, what we see on the screen is simply a character but each character she plays has an elegance and beauty about her that can’t be taught.

Even the crass talking Eliza Doolittle in My Fair Lady emits a sense of femininity that rivals most other characters you see on television today.

What would life be like if I were more like Audrey?

For my birthday last year my aunt (knowing how much I adore Audrey) gave me a book called “What Would Audrey Do?“. Yes, I realize this is a bit blasphemous and plays off the Christian craze of WWJD? but I think the book is super cute!

The book basically outlines life lessons according to the example Audrey set during her own life. When I read through the different “rules” she lived by I am inspired and adore her even more.

Here are some of the lessons:

Be Your Own Star:

1. 1. Be Memorable
   2. Be Modest
   3. Maintain a sense of wonder about your life and the world
   4. Take yourself seriously – imbue yourself with grace and guts
   5. Act like a star
   6. Surround yourself with great people
   7. Move beyond your fears – a difficult but necessary step
   8. Have a vision
   9. Look the part
   10. Don’t be afraid to disappear
   11. Don’t trade on your personal tragedies
   12. Be Enigmatic
   13. Live the part

Audrey In Love:

1. 1. Don’t talk about yourself
   2. Flirt like Hell
   3. Aim High
   4. Keep a clear head
   5. Don’t dumb yourself down
   6. R-E-S-P-E-C-T
   7. Keep the real estate – don’t give up your place to live with a guy (just in case)
   8. Have your own gig
   9. Have your own money
   10. Include him in your life and activities
   11. Disappear for a while
   12. Never underestimate the power of the grand gesture

When things go your way (this is great advice for when I’m a famous writer ):

1. 1. Stay Centered
   2. Check your Ego at the Door
   3. Don’t lose yourself
   4. Cultivate other interests
   5. Remain low-key
   6. Get over yourself
   7. Remember what mom really thought of you

When things DON’T go your way (reference yesterdays blog lol):

1. 1. Think
   2. Respect yourself – demand respect from others by respecting yourself
   3. Develop a sense of privacy
   4. Make time for “me” time
   5. Be consistent

These are just a few of the lessons outlined in “What Would Audrey Do?”. There are so many more involving fashion, home life, family, writing and much more.

Like I said, it is a great book and it makes it very obvious that the characters she plays in her movies aren’t by accident and aren’t simply an act.

Audrey was/is an icon. She’s the symbol of the elegance, class, grace, independence and strength that most people want (yes, even you men!).

So, to answer my own question: If I were more like Audrey my life circumstances may be the same but the way I went about it and felt about it would be different and may ultimately lead to my own personal success.

What do you think?

We’ve all heard the saying “When it rains it pours” but what if that ends up flooding your apartment? After the week I’ve had I’m beginning to wonder if God is playing games with me or maybe i’m cursed or maybe I’m being punished for that time when I was little and I walked through the dollar store and my fingers were “stickier” than they should have been (I’m talking shoplifting you dirty minded people…and I didn’t leave the store!)

The week started out with a 6 hour visit to the emergency room in the middle of the night. Anyone who knows me knows that I don’t do well with pain but I do exceptionally less well with lack of sleep. What should have been a quick trip for antibiotics ended up in a marathon of being ignored by medical personnel and fighting the urge to fall asleep and miss my turn.

At the four hour mark (5am) I began to get a little delirious from lack of sleep. I got angry then as the nursed passed me by I got sad thinking they were ignoring my pain on purpose. So…you guessed it…I cried like a newborn baby who just had its ass smacked for the first time.

At the five hour mark I considered leaving and just living with my pain forever. I just couldn’t take the obvious unconcern for my personal situation any longer. However, having waited five hours there was no point leaving.

At the six hour mark the shift changed and within a half hour I had two antibiotics and a piece of paper with some scribbles on it…slightly underwhelming!

A few days later I was enjoying my Canada Day celebrations with some friends when my angry Ukranian superintendent called screaming for me to come home! Let me just point out that I was one hour away from my apartment celebrating Canada Day. Apparently there was water rushing out of my apartment door and in to the apartment below my unit. When I asked why he didn’t just go in to the unit he blamed me for not being there then screamed something I couldn’t understand and told me to come open the door right now. A little pissed that this guy was yelling at me and not listening to me I told him I did not have a teleporter and that he should break the door down if he did not have keys to the unit…my sarcastic humour was sadly lost on him.

Flash forward an hour, I am home with two body guard type men by my side, sloshing through ankle deep water while the super frantically act to cover up the damage. The toilet intake had ruptured during the day because the thing was so old. Thankfully this was not my issue and the super knew it but instead of hiring professionals to take care of it he did it himself. When my boyfriend took pictures of the apartment according to my insurances’ wishes my super FREAKED OUT!!!

After dealing with the insurance people the day after I went back to my boyfriend’s city with him. No sooner had we got there did I get in a massive fight with a friend! Exactly what I needed! I spent the weekend sick to my stomach over the situation even though I had been told none of it was my fault…it’s just how I am…I hate conflict. So when my friend asked to work it out on Sunday I went expecting a mature adult resolution. Unfortunately, I was the only one expecting this.

I went in arms open and apology at the edge of my lips. I wrapped my arms around my friend and EVEN THOUGH I DID NOTHING WRONG said “I’m sorry, I didn’t intend to hurt you!”…I am of the belief that in an argument if you have not said something wrong you should not apologize for what you said HOWEVER as a mature adult you should recognize the effect those words may have had on your fellow human being and if any hurt has occurred (no matter how unrealistic or made up) you should apologize.

So there I am, apologizing for inadvertently hurting my friend and what is the response? “Well you did hurt me AND you hurt someone else you love in the process!!” WHAT WHAT WHAT?!!! Who responds like that?! Don’t ask me to come over and “talk it out” if you aren’t going to accept my apology and intend on pushing a knife through my chest. It’s just not cool!!

With one full week of disaster behind me and Monday going really well for me I figured crisis city was behind me…but then Tuesday came!

Yesterday my computer decided to take a piss and died. It would have taken 2 weeks and a minimum of $350 to fix the computer which is an equivalent of almost $2000 when you consider I work from home. BRUTAL!!! The quick and more economical fix was unfortunately purchasing a brand new laptop (not all bad…just a pocketbook issue) and spending the rest of the day tearing the hard drive out of my old laptop and transferring everything. JOY!!!

So here I am, Wednesday at 5:00pm sitting in Starbucks listening to chick rock wondering what I did to bring on this magnitude of drama! I wasn’t a perfect child but I don’t think my indiscretions were THAT bad. I’m hoping that the people I’m associating with aren’t rubbing their bad karma off on me but I’m leaning in that direction.

Whatever it is I hope I figure it out soon so that when the rain starts to pour again I will know where my umbrella is!

Love

Farrah

Clothes are flying through my room, showering the cat in a downpour of cotton! What does one wear on an occasion such as this? Strapped high-heels with a little Audrey Hepburn inspired dress? Tight, ass-shaping jeans with a push up bra and low cut top? Mini skirt? Shorts? I just don’t know!

One year ago I began a journey in a new life…no wait…that’s too cliche…

One year ago I woke up from a personal nightmare and decided to take control of my life…nope…still feels a bit too cliche…

One year ago I was a bruting, soon to be divorced woman who had no idea how to deal with the depression, abandonment and sense of worthlessness she felt. My life was unrecognizable, my heart and soul too tortured to make sense of and my future was distressingly uncertain.

That was when I found some friends on Twitter who were kind enough to guide me in a direction that would help me work through what I felt, in a manner that would prove to be my true passion!

It was Nola Erus (known to her Twitter friends as @SensualStories) who pointed out my flair for writing and suggested I start a blog. So, I did!

I began to write. I started sharing myself with whoever decided to read my work. Each post, each story revealing my inner turmoil, my joy, my hearts desires and the dirty little secrets most people keep locked away in their minds. In short, I was revealing ME…not only to you readers but to myself.

This morning I started looking through my blog posts, remembering what it felt like to write each one and seeing the progression through my newly found single life. It was @KirstensDesk that told me in the beginning that I would be shocked to look back in a year and see how I came through all of my crap…she was right!!

The progression from one year ago until now is amazing!

So, on this, my 1st Anniversary I would like to share with you that progression and to thank everyone who supported and encouraged me along the way. A few in particular who were there from the beginning: @SensualStories,  @KirstensDesk, @Feline9, @ReginaPerry, @big_diel, @dolbsterpoet, @wtfskh, @classydanny32, @e_l_photography and @recoveringwarrior…thank you all so much. And to anyone who has ever read a single word I have written, thank you.

Help me celebrate by telling me what your favourite posts were! Here are a few to help you out! LOVE!

JULY 2009

My First Post Ever!

Rebirth: Realizing the Phoenix

We all die. Bit by bit or all at once, we all die. Ashes to ashes, dust to dust.

Physically, hearts stop, brains die, lungs collapse. Vital organs we can not live without, cease to function. Bodies buried or burned, sent off into an eternity.

I have already died, yet my body remains…(read more)

AUGUST 2009

Beckoning Bodies

Ken runs a hand up Sadie’s back, pulling her close. The warmth of their bodies intertwines. In his arms, Sadie feels weak. Months of absent embrace have fueled a yearning for an intimate connection…(read more)

The Path To Love

I’ve aways fooled myself in to believing that if other’s validated my looks, my intelligence, kindness and general personality I would then know myself and love myself. However, I’m learnng that if you are looking for yourself you won’t find it in others…(read more)

SEPTEMBER 2009

Hidden Darkness

What is it that lies beneath our worldly exterior? Do we all possess a cryptic internal monologue like Dexter Morgan that we supress for society’s benefit? What if our society allowed us to unleash those desires? What is it we are all hiding?…(read more)

OCTOBER 2009

Insomnia

I roll over in to my lover’s strong arms, looking deep in to his eyes. His warmth infects me with an overwhelming need for his engorged cock to penetrate deep inside of me…(read more)

NOVEMBER 2009

Inside Out Parabole

It’s raining.

Outside, cool drops meet nature’s accumulating death.

It’s raining.

Inside, sorrows threaten to drown life giving breath…(read more)

DECEMBER 2009

Rebirth Part 6

A few shots later and I was fearless! Nathaniel and I whooped it up with the rest of the patrons, singing at the top of our lungs to rock and country and dancing like morons. At one point, I don’t even know what happened but two of the bartenders were up on the bar and they were pulling patrons up with them…(read more)

JANUARY 2010

Connected

Someone told me recently that an invisible connection exists between humans and everyone they come in contact with. If you were to picture this connection as a chord, the diameter of the chord would vary depending on the importance or intimacy of the connection you had or have with that person…(read more)

FEBRUARY 2010

Goodbye

Who I am now is someone I know would be unrecognizable to my ex. I’m am stronger, more determined and confident than ever before and I only keep on growing…(read more)

MARCH 2010

I am a Morning SuperModel

There is a new Supermodel in town and that Supermodel is ME!!! Okay, okay settle the laughter down people! Alright, I’ll give you 30 more seconds…(read more)

APRIL 2010

Facing Giants: Push Your Limits

So many times I have limited myself before I even got started at something. I put parameters around what I thought “my best” was and ultimately,written myself off as a lose…(read more)

MAY 2010

Ice Cream, Orgasms and Euro Shore

I played stupid and let this guy swing his dick around about some camera he had just bought. Little did he know that I understood how misinformed he was about what he had been saying but I let him ramble anyways. I find it amusing when people feel they need to swing their dicks to feel important…(read more)

JUNE 2010

Writing Infidelity and the Resentment that Follows

I’m pissed at myself, I’m pissed at my job, I’m pissed at my clients and I’m pissed at anyone who has successfully reached their writing goals in life (don’t worry I still love you…I’m just jealous!)…(read more)

JULY 2010

OH Canada We Stand on Guard For Thee

People think our military is a joke but I don’t. With the number of soldiers coming back wounded physically and mentally, or not at all, there is no denying that they are FIGHTING for what they believe in…(read more)